My If-I-Were-A-Celebrity-This-Would-Be-My-Rider Rider

1. Sweet tea Arnold Palmers
2. Lemon slices
3. Blackberries and green grapes
4. A Mr. Happy head massager
5. Dr. Pepper in bottles
6. Chunky guacamole and salsa and tortilla chips
7. Pappy Van Winkle whiskey
8. A mani-pedicurist
9. Hummingbird cupcakes
10. Fresh lilacs
11. Veggie flatbread pizza

Woody Guthrie's New Year's 1942 Resolutions, Or "Rulins"

1. Work more and better
2. Work by a schedule
3. Wash teeth if any
4. Shave
5. Take bath
6. Eat good- fruits- vegetables- milk
7. Drink very scant if any
8. Write a song a day
9. Wear clean clothes- look good
10. Shine shoes
11. Change socks
12. Change bed clothes often
13. Read lots of good books
14. Listen to radio a lot
15. Learn people better
16. Keep rancho clean
17. Don't get lonesome
18. Stay glad
19. Keep hoping machine running
20. Dream good
21. Bank all extra money
22. Save dough
23. Have company but don't waste time
24. Send Mary and kids money
25. Play and sing good
26. Dance better
27. Help win war- beat fascism
28. Love mama
29. Love papa
30. Love Pete
31. Love everybody
32. Make up your mind
33. Wake up and fight
*source HERE

If I Were A Celebrity, My BFFs Would Be

1. Sienna Miller

2. Nicole Ritchie

3. Heidi Klum

4. Gwyneth Paltrow

5. Whoever could get me closest to Ryan Gosling

6. Michelle Williams

7. Amy Poehler

8. Victoria Beckham

9. Jennifer Garner

My Sister Jenny's Top Five Male Celebrities

1. Brad Pitt
2. Ryan Reynolds
3. Jake Gyllenhaal
4. Taylor Kitsch
5. Ryan Gosling


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Celebrities Whose Closets I'd Like To Raid

1. Zooey Deschanel

2. Audrina Patridge

3. Gwyneth Paltrow

4. Keri Russell

5. Nicole Richie

6. Michelle Williams

7. Blake Lively

8. Sienna Miller

Celebrities From St. Louis

1. Tennessee Williams

2. Chuck Berry

3. Buddy Ebsem

4. Mary Engelbriet

5. Jackie Joyner Kersee

6. Sheryl Crow

7. Kimora Lee Simmons

8. Ellie Kemper (Erin from the Office)

9. Phyllis Smith (Phyllis from the Office)

10. Jenna Fischer (Pam from the Office)

11. Josephine Baker

12. Max Factor (the makeup guy)

13. Scott Bakula (the Quantum Leap actor)

14. Akon (the singer. I only know him because of his song with Gwen Stefani that was all the rage while I was on a cruise several years ago...got a lot of play time on the lido deck)

15. Ike and Tina Turner

16. Yogi Berra

17. Cedric the Entertainer

18. Jimmy Connors

19. Charles Lindbergh

20. Dredd Scott

21. Maya Angelou

22. Phyllis Diller

23. Daniel Boone

24. Jon Hamm (Mad Men)

25. Joseph Pulitzer (think Pulitzer Prize)

26. Bob Costas

27. Taylor Momsen (Jenny from Gossip Girl)

28. Kate Capshaw

29. T.S. Eliot

30. The Wallace family NASCAR drivers

31. Harry Caray

32. Nelly

33. David Lee (NBA)

34. Mark Twain

35. Andy Cohen

36. Miles Davis

While Reading Celebrity Gossip Magazines I Always-

1. Roll my eyes at myself- really, who cares about this celebrity world
2. Keep turning the pages, because yes, I do care
3. Pick which dress I would wear when they dedicate a whole 2-page spread on ladies in dresses and gowns
4. Laugh at the ridiculousness of the "Stars- They're Just Like Us" section that shows them pumping gas, looking for their keys, or shopping at the farmer's market. Is that sort of thing supposed to give my "boring life" some sort of validation?
5. Think- I could be friends with her!
6. Get anxiety thinking about how awful it would be being photographed in a bikini. For a magazine. To me, that earns them some sympathy and million-dollar paychecks. If someone snapped away while I hoisted my 25 pound toddler up at the Webster Groves pool toddler time, I would expect something pretty awesome in return.
7. Am thankful I only read these mags on vacation because if they were always around me, I'd always want to buy more clothes, wear ball gowns, jet of to the south of France (can't we just say south France?), and dress my children like hip-hop stars. None of those are really a possibility. Except dressing my kids like hip-hop stars, but that's a bit ridiculous, as our life is opposite of hip-hop.
8. Often disagree with the Fashion Police's Worst Dressed photos
9. Consider how awful it would be with a drawn-on arrow pointing to my belly with "is that a bump?" written next to it. I only weigh 118 pounds, and I often have what could be perceived as a second trimester bun in the oven.
10. Get irritated when the editors try to feel better about what they are doing by publishing a 3 page story about a cancer survivor, a rape victim, or a serial killer brought to justice. What does that have to do with celebrity gossip? Sadly, that might be the only real "news" some people expose themselves to. Sorta like the old ladies who refer to the National Enquirer as "the paper."
11. Pleasantly shocked with random bits of celebrity trivia like that Diane Lane has a permanently dilated pupil or that Olivia Wilde was a former competitive eater.
12. Reminded that the most talented people in Hollywood aren't at all the most photographed.
13. Proud of myself for not recognizing any "Teen Moms" that are so popular in those magazines.
14. Gag a little when they show a typical day of eating for a celeb. Yeah right, I say. But maybe you say that about my "What I Ate Today" lists. I don't know. I just can't believe regular people eat that much salmon and broccoli, says the girl who eats that much bulgur wheat and garbanzo beans.
15. Love when they show close-ups of their feet. You can be styled and made-up to be beautiful perfection, but there is nothing you can do to hide gnarly feet in a strappy heel (sorry, Katie Holmes, but you know it's true)
16. Hate when they show stars without make-up when they are clearly wearing make-up
17. Love when they show the inside of someone's home
18. Think the crosswords in the back are too easy to be considered crosswords.
19. Get ideas for future lists, like "Reasons Why I Love The Kardashian Sisters." Because I do.
20. Wonder if I would win out in a "Who wore it Best" battle between me and the lady at Whole Foods the other day who was sporting the same Lululemon tank and cropped pants as me.
21. Reminded that Jessica Simpson is one of my least favorite celebrities, despite her super cute shoe line and seemingly pleasant demeanor.
22. Like when they do the "look for less" pieces.
23. Love a special wedding issue

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The Oscars

1. First of all, the biggest tragedy of all...I taped the wrong red carpet show. I taped the one on that was on the same channel as the show. SO, no E! red carpet. No Guiliana. I was awful.
2. Of all the movies represented in the nominations, I only had seen Black Swan, Winter's Bone, The Social Network, and Country Strong (it was in there for best song, don't hate).
3. Best dressed...I can't decide a winner. It's between Gwyneth Paltrow (the photos don't do it justice) and Cate Blanchette. Also up there are Michele Williams, Mila Kunis, and Scarlett Johansson (these photos really don't capture what they looked like on TV)
4. Everyone says how bad James Franco was, but at least he wasn't cheesy and over-the-top like his partner Anne Hathaway. I was rooting for him, maybe because for some reason, he reminds me of my nephew Rafferty?
5. Worst dressed, for me, was Amy Adams. The hair, the dress, the necklace...it was hard to look at. I also did not like Nicole Kidman or Natalie Portman (NP was too matchy-matchy again, which was part of her problem at the Golden Globes)

6. At every awards show, there is a dress that I immediately love, then see it again and then hate it. Then I love it. Then I hate it. This continues...this dress at the Oscars was worn by Melissa Leo

7. I love Annette Benning. She is just radiant. And could her and Warren Beatty be any cuter?

8. My favorite quote of the night was James Franco's grandma saying, "I just saw Marky Mark!"

9. I thought the whole opening skit (Inception/Alec Baldwin's dream/movie sequence was funny.

10. I was sad that I didn't love any of Anne Hathaway's dresses (and there were plenty to choose from). Maybe Rachel Zoe's pregnancy brain is a little off.

11. Speaking of Anne, a few too many of her hairstyles looked straight out of "Princess Diaries."

12. Marissa Tomei looks so young! That woman is timeless. I thought she was Ashley Green the whole time they were interviewing her on the red carpet.

13. I am kind of obsessed with the fact that Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips are best friends. I love them. If only I had been cast as Joey Potter, I would not have married Tom Cruise and we would all three be best friends.

14. Florence Welch (from Florence + The Machine) was magic as always, but her dress was a little too reminiscent of Rachel Berry's during the Rachel Berry House Party.

15. I need to see King's Speech and The Fighter

16. I think next year I'll host an Oscars party.

Golden Globe Notes (Mostly Fashion Notes)

1. I thought Angelina Jolie looked beautiful! She usually looks weird on the red carpet, I think. She was one of my favorites last night.
2. Natalie Portman was so cute during her speech. She seems genuinely GIDDY about being engaged and pregnant. I love her for not really fitting in in Hollywood. She seems like a normal person.
3. I thought Ricky Gervais was over the top and rude. Tacky and way too far, in my opinion.
4. However, I did love when he introduced Bruce Willis as "Ashton Kutcher's dad."
5. Tina Fey looked fine, so I hope she doesn't get ripped apart during Fashion Police like last year. Sidenote: it was my favorite dress from last year. I guess Joan Rivers and I don't have the same taste. Thankfully.
6. Green seemed to be the it color this year with Angelina, Catherine Zeta Jones, Mila Kunis, and the girl from Mad Men all wearing it. Loved them all!
7. Most of the other dresses were black or shades of pink (blush, namely).
8. Although I enjoyed Mila Kunis in Black Swan, I never would have guessed she'd be nominated.
9. I felt a little lost during the TV awards because of all the HBO nominations and wins.
10. Lea Michelle seemed so genuinely thrilled for her castmates' wins.
11. Jane Lynch was funny (no suprise) during her acceptance speech. She also looked nice.
12. Did Robert Pattinson have red hair?
13. Did Justin Bieber look weird? Maybe I don't know who he is and have been picturing someone else all this time.
14. My least favorite dresses were Helen Bonham Carter, Heidi Klum (her lipstick wasn't helping any, either), Michelle Williams (love her), Megan Fox (seemed dated), Jennifer Lopez, and I hate to say it- Natalie Portman.
15. I was rooting for Jennifer Lawrence. Winter's Bone was amazing.
16. Tilda Swinton always looks weird in an eccentric way, but something about her is so beautiful.
17. Robert deNiro was hilarious during his acceptance speech. I loved when he said that films are like your children, except that you can't remake your children in 3D to increase the grosses.
18. Olivia Wilde's dress was pretty, but really awkward and huge.
19. Sandra Bullock looked sad.

20. Every time I see Michelle Williams and her pixie cut, I want to cut mine again!

21. Speaking of hair, please, please, Christian Bale....cut it and get handsome again.

22. Of course, I loved that Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester presented together.

23. My favorite dresses of the night: Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Lea Michele, Julie Bowen, Mandy Moore, and Mila Kunis.

My Favorite Celebri-Ladies

1. Gwyneth Paltrow
2. Zooey Deschanel
3. Gwen Stefani
4. Natalie Portman
5. Heidi Klum
6. Nicole Richie
7. Victoria Beckham
8. Kelly Wearstler
9. Amy Poehler
10. Michelle Williams

Updated Celebrity Crushes

(to accompany this previous one)

1. Fred Savage

2. Bob Harper

3. Matt Lauer

4. Should say Taylor Kitsch, but I will insist only on Tim Riggins

5. Tyler Florence

6. Tom Colicchio

Celebrity Couples I Would Have Liked To Have Made It

1. Vince Vaughn & Jennifer Aniston
2. Jessica Simpson & Tony Romo
3. Madonna & Guy Ritchie
4. Sienna Miller & Jude Law
5. Owen Wilson & Kate Hudson

My Dream Dinner Party Attendee List

1. Tina Fey
2. Jeff Lewis
3. Joel McHale
4. Victoria Beckham
5. Joshua Jackson
6. Amy Poehler and Will Arnett
7. Giada de Laurentiis doing all the cooking

Celebrity Crushes

1. Christian Bale (don't hate)

2. Eddie Cahill, hello Don

3. Joshua Jackson

4. Kind of Dennis Quaid, don't know why

5. Josh Hartnett

6. Robert Pattison. Or maybe just Edward Cullen.