What It Takes For Me To Find The Perfect Swimsuit

1. Prayer/the hand of God
2. Contortionism
3. Liquid dieting
4. The ability to stealthily maneuver past the "juniors section" that produces swim bottoms that offer enough coverage for the bottom of my heel
5. Black magic
6. Strategically placed ruffles
7. Mental questions that sound a lot like, "What waterproof material could I stuff here that would not disintegrate or float away when submerged?"
8. Countless dressing room hours
9. Countless internet orders
10. Optical illusions

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